My Daughter is 15 years old and refuses to take a shower. When she is told she needs to take a shower after 3 or 4 days without taking one she yells and fights with her dad and I and says I am tired I'll take it in the morning. When the morning comes she has another excuse why she can't take it. Please do you have any advice I can use to help her want to care about herself? Ben's Answer: I'd be curious about the reason why she has so little self-esteem that she's willing to neglect her basic hygiene this way.

They look bad and we often see it as a reflection of our parenting. Maybe your child refuses to put on deodorant or wash his face. Perhaps your daughter wears the same lived-in clothes every day and rarely brushes or shampoos her hair. This is a normal response. One of the most important things to consider about kids who have poor hygiene is that refusal to shower, bathe, or brush their teeth can sometimes be a symptom of depression, bipolar disorder, trauma, or another mental health issue.

Stay dirty. Instead, look for ways to step out of the fight. Lower your standards — temporarily or on a night-by-night basis. If your child pushes back in the heat of the moment, take a deep breath and give yourself time to return to calm. Be curious.